1. The modern smartphone doesn’t fit into the modern women’s pockets. What the hell is this nonsense?  I have to take it out and put it down somewhere.  The back pocket is okay until you have to sit down or risk the shame of your giant ass smashing the gorilla glass to pieces.


This goes double in the bathroom. Pulling down your pants while you have a phone in it practically guarantees it’ll end up in the toilet.


2. Oh you’re wearing a dress today? Hahahahahaha!  Have fun escorting your phone around the house for the next eight hours.

Ten bucks says her phone is in her bra.


  1. Nobody thinks these are cool. And my husband won’t let me wear this without mercilessly teasing me for it.   Seriously.  If I could just latch it to my belt, I would do it in a hummingbird heartbeat.



  1. “Can you call my phone?” I ask.   For the millionth time.  Cue husband eyeroll.  Then “Ah shit. I left it on vibrate.”  Because I keep it on vibrate when I’m at work, like any nice social-cue respecting lady would.   And forgot to take it off vibrate when I left work.


I finally decided this was a problem worth throwing money at.


Tile is a small dongle (heh, dongle) that you pair to your phone via Bluetooth, then you stick it on your keys.  If you lose your phone, you can press a button on the Tile, and it’ll force your phone to ring, even if it’s on silent.  ($25)

This saves my ass at least four times a week. I’m not the slightest bit ashamed to admit that most times, I’m sitting in my car, and I’m just too lazy to look through my purse to find my phone.


Regale me with your tales of lost cell phones in your house!