I use Siri for everything.

No, really.

I use Siri for EVERYTHING.

Here’s a list of things I’ve told her to do recently:

“What’s the weather going to be like today?”

“What’s my schedule for this morning?”  I ask both these questions every morning as I get ready.  How else will I know what shoes to wear?

“Siri, schedule breakfast with Stevie for Saturday at 9am at Cindi’s”  Yes, she will parse the entire command and send an invite to my friend Stevie as well AND set the location to Cindi’s Deli.

“Siri, google Game of Thrones latest episode name.”

“Siri, when does Ikea open?”

Siri stores hours
I can even ask her for the hours for a particular day, and she’ll look it up.

Siri can hashtag.  And do punctuation and emoticons.

Go ahead, try it.  Just dictate to her “hashtag Siri is the bomb”.  She won’t understand it, but she’ll do it (#SiriIsTheBomb). I’ve thrown hashtags into my text message conversations.  I think my friends still like me in spite of it.

You can also dictate “comma”, “question mark”, “exclamation mark”, “smiley”, “frowny”, and “winky”, “quote”, “end quote” and Siri will interpret it correctly.

Siri is the reason I won’t use any other to-do list app, because none of them can do dictation.

“Siri, add garlic to the groceries list.”

“Siri, remind me to pack my lunch in the morning.”  She defaults to 7am.

“Siri, remind me to go to the pharmacy after I leave work.” Yup, she can figure that out too, since I have Location Services enabled on my phone.

In fact, I got a little too good at setting reminders such that Siri became a giant nagging bitch, even though technically I was the giant nagging bitch in the first place.  The reminder tone was going off all the time, and everytime I heard it, I groaned.  I finally cooled it with all the reminders.

Siri is pretty good in the kitchen, when your hands are dirty.

Siri, convert 2 ounces into tablespoons.

You can also plug your iPhone to charge, and just yell, “Hey Siri” to activate her.  I do that sometimes when I’m doing dishes or giving my son a bath.

Siri knows all my relatives.  And other awkward relationships.

I’ve taught her who my husband is, my sister, my mom, dad, boss, dentist, pediatrician, and yes, my gynocologist.

And yes, I text while I drive.  Constantly.

“Siri, text my husband don’t forget to pick up milk”

“Siri, text my parents on my way.”  Yes, Siri will send texts to both my mom’s phone and my dad’s phone.

Siri is the reason I can’t switch to Android.

I tried out an Android phone about a year or so ago, a Galaxy S5.  It was awful.  Ok Google isn’t bad, but c’monnnn.

Anything else?

She can do math.

But more importantly, she can figure out the tip.

Siri calculates tip

I can have her email people too.  Same way you can get her to text people.

“Redial the last number.”

“What time was my last outgoing call?”

“What song is this?”  Direct link to Shazam.

What isn’t Siri good for?

Anything where there’s already a default application set.  So I don’t use Siri to map directions, because it defaults to Apple Maps, instead of Google Maps (although there’s apparently a workaround for this).  Similarly, I use Spotify and Overcast, so I can’t use Siri to play music or podcasts.

If you ask her to Shazam something, make sure you take a screenshot of her response.  Because once the display blinks off and the song isn’t playing anymore, you can’t find out what she told you.

Also, you can’t really change the default reminder times.  Setting a reminder for “tomorrow morning” defaults to 7am, and I’d prefer to set it at 7:30am.  “Tomorrow night” sets to 7pm, and I’d rather it be 8:30pm, after my son goes to bed.

Siri also still needs some help learning how the cool kids talk.

no problemo
And yes, I dictated the “dot dot dot”

My greatest fear?

One day, Apple might look at their analytics and realize that only 1% of their user base uses Siri, and only one person uses the ever living beejeezes out of Siri, and that’s when they’ll decide to euthanize Siri.

(Every example I’ve listed here are things that I ACTUALLY tell Siri to do on a regular basis.  I know there are exhaustive lists out there.  Screw them. Why the fuck would you ask “What’s Kylie Jenner saying on Twitter?”)

Lastly, Siri makes me feel both smart AND awkward

I feel smart for using her to handle so many things, but now my texting abilities have dropped to that of a feeble old lady.

Any other Siri-philes out there?  Let me know in the comments!